Yes Indeed

 Excellent rain yesterday. A very moderate week ahead with some very good chances for additional rain. Hot again by the weekend though.

I remain in my journal for 1989. Fascinating. 

Cause For Celebration!

 Temps back off their highs today and next week is looking pretty good. Some cool mornings are coming our way. What's not to like about that?

Some people might want to at least TRY to think about whatever the hell they thought they were celebrating this past July, and see how much of it actually made a lick of sense, how much of it was real, as opposed to flag-waving fantasy. And lies. 

In November

 In November I'll mark the 9th anniversary of my wife's death and our 14th wedding anniversary. Grief counseling was worthless. A lot of blather about "moving on" and "new life" and "new horizons".  I have a new life by default. It's bearable and what I have to live for isn't human. Humane but not human. I seem to be always on the edge of an emotional breakdown. The loss is enduring and incurable. There is no recovery. I think sometimes that I have PTSD, due to the circumstances surrounding my wife's death. Some images are burned into my brain. All of the usual formulas and mantras people recite in order to cope are drivel. Worthless. Time doesn't heal. What I really want is what I lost. I will always find the past preferable to the present. The less said about the future the better. 

Today we start to get the benefit of a little heat relief and tomorrow it will be more noticeable. And rain chances improve quite a lot. I was productive yesterday. I'm still able to maintain the status quo. Change is unavoidable, of course, but I fight to resist and I refuse to accept. Each and every day I curse the world and the way of the world-- I damn what is. I call it an abomination. For me, that's therapy. Makes me feel better. I know where I stand. I hold my ground. 

NOT Over!

 Of course, I refer to the World Cup nonsense. I guess the wannabe jocks, worthless for the most part and as athletic as a bucket of lard, like watching stuff like that, in the sports bars and at home, sitting for hours and only rising up occasionally for another beer, more snacks, and to pee and shit. That's about as athletic as it gets for the average American. Soft. Very soft. But watching sports on TV makes them feel "manly". Talking about sports makes them feel "manly". But real exercise? Pumping iron? Running? Working up a sweat? Feeling the burn? Probably not. 

But that's really none of my business. I attend to my business and you attend to yours and never the twain shall meet. I have no use for couch potatoes. I have no use for drunks. I have no use for the self-indulgent and undisciplined. And so it goes. 

And it's not over yet. Something tells me that there will be a shock in the near future. It hasn't gotten real yet, but I suspect that it will. 

Is It Over?

 I refer to the World Cup. I think it is finally over. What a waste of time and energy. Bread and circuses. Hot days continue here but a change this weekend is still in the forecast and next week looks mild with rain chances again. That's not unusual, to have a scorching June and early July and then the rest of the summer is moderate and wet. And maybe that's the way it will go. 

I enjoy reading my journals more than anything else. I'm in 1989. I know how things turned out. I know what was in my future. I read about my interests and concerns and activities in those days, and I know how problems were resolved and there are no unknowns. I like that. There were treats in store for me! Adventures I could not have imagined! There would be surprises and challenges, and I know how I would deal them and find a path. Always, I found a path. I WOULD find a path! I will continue to find a path. 

By this time, I can be sure of my ability to find a path.