Pattern Changing

 A change of pattern was in the forecast and this morning one can see it, feel it, and even smell it. More like October this morning and it felt so good to be outdoors. A new date has been set for the rapture, and I don't care. I don't give a rat's ass, frankly. I see the bindweed spreading and climbing the trellises I have improvised for it, and that pleases me greatly. Let the bindweed bind them all. I enjoy iced coffee at this moment, as the laundry is getting done, and it is cloudy and windy. I had a pleasant drive this morning. 

Sometimes I bring to mind places I've been and things I've seen and things I did in the past, and it helps me appreciate what I have and where I am. It's a minor miracle that I survived, and a miracle I got through it with no discernable damage. Pretty much intact, and even though some memories are rather painful, it's all in the past, safely put away in a box of time, far away. 

October Light

 The quality of the light is correct for October, and mornings feel like mornings in October, and that's getting to be better and better, and I did some work outside this morning. I see the bindweed spreading into areas where I want it. It only needs a little water and it got that modicum of water last evening. Lentils and rice with chicken breast, turmeric, garlic, onion, ginger, paprika and Sambal Olek will be my "lunch" today. Evening meals for me I like quite light. Probably today it will be wheat crackers with humus, sardines in oil with French bread to soak up the oil and fish, and maybe a wedge of sharp cheddar. Watermelon for dessert. My homeowner's insurance has almost doubled. I have no idea why. I can pay it, but I don't understand why it has gone up like that. I might look for a better deal. Tornado alley has shifted away from us, the only threats are hail and high wind. I guess that's enough of an excuse to raise rates. Very irritating. I got up well before dawn as usual. I love that. Mosquitos are very bad, still. I wonder whether the city is doing any spraying. I kind of doubt it. That will probably become yet another city service to be terminated. Every man for himself seems to be the trend. 

No Change

Cool mornings, comfortable evenings and warm days that verge on being hot. SOSO. I am doing relaxation exercises, akin to Tai Chi. Very good! And in the gym yesterday I had strength gains, going up to 180 pounds resistance on a particular exercise I do for my shoulders. I'm usually at 120 to 150 on that. And i went up to 290 pounds on the leg press machine. I don't do deadlifts or hack squats on Wednesday. On Wednesday I focus a lot on the cable machines. All in all, it was quite satisfying. I really like my gym! It is just right! I am within striking distance of 80, and that means I must workout very consistently. Usually I go to the gym MWF, and I start each of those days with my own free weights at home. Wednesday, the home routine is centered on my adjustable bench. and some equipment I can use for dips and leg extensions. I do the leg extensions on the bench in a novel way that also works the abs pretty intensely. Rarely do I aim for isolation. I want to work lots of muscle groups at the same time. Hypertrophy has never been my goal-- strength and endurance are the things I aim for. Sunday mornings I do a barbell and dumbbell routine that focuses on reps, so I have a lighter bar for that, and a set of resistance cords I found on Amazon a few months ago. Years ago I did a lot of bicycling and jogging in addition to weight training. But now I'm content to do a mile or two of speed walking two or three days per week, and sometimes treadmill jogging. I stopped going to the gym during covid and that's when I got the bench and added a lot of iron to my home gym. I was so darned happy when I could go back to the gym! I was so pleased when the vaccinations became available, and I got them all. I can't lift as much as I used to, but I really need to respect aging joints and connective tissue. Injuries can be devastating at my age. 

Let those who get their rocks off prepping for raptures that never come, enjoy themselves! Feel the burn! As they used say in the gym. I guess I really don't care what people around me believe or think, as long as they leave me the fuck alone. 

Dry, Cool Mornings, Above Average Highs

 This pattern has become well established. Now how will it change, and when will it change? It is a very mystery. Rapture re-scheduled for October 7th. Dimbulbs take note. You fell for it once, you'll fall for it twice. And then you'll fall for it yet again, and again, and again. Meanwhile, I can GUARANTEE that it will NOT happen. I don't claim to be smarter than the rest of you, although that is almost certainly the case, but I do believe that I am SANER. You might have made yourselves stupid for the Lord but there is nothing to be gained by becoming psychotic for the Lord. Loony Toons for the Lord. Irrational for the Lord. Ignorant for the Lord. None of that amounts to virtue. There is no virtue in mental illness. 

October has arrived, right on schedule, my favorite month. Ah. 

Transitions

 At this time of year we start getting transition scenarios as weak fronts move through. Even though last week treated us to cool mornings and cool late evenings, days were rather warm, too warm for my taste, but a weak system has brought clouds and lower temperatures. I like the transitions that take place as we approach October, the best of months. Late October is usually when we start getting a hint of the winter to come. My wife and I liked to participate in Trunk or Treat at our church, so close to us, and we enjoyed that greatly. Even though I am still a member of that church, memories of my late wife are so thick and strong there, that I can't go there anymore. It triggers a wave of grief, even after all these years. That grief will never go away. And I do not want it to go away. I do not think in terms of a "new beginning" and rejected all thoughts of such a thing very early in my "grief process". I didn't marry her so that someday I could have yet another new beginning. The only new beginning I want in my life is the one that began to take place when I met her, and one that evolved and grew during our married years. No more of that. You might argue that I have a sort of new beginning by default but it is minimalistic and it preserves as much of the past as I can. Probably I've become a bit bitter. So be it. Better to be a bitter and alienated surviving spouse than to assume the impossible burden of a new life with someone else. No thanks. Not now, not ever. If I rave from time to time, mark it down to Grief Derangement Syndrome. If there isn't such a thing I have just now invented it. It is real enough for me. 

Those of us with GDS are inclined to say such things as: "Fuck life." It sums up how we feel.